Delivery Room Zen

I was talking to a friend who had a rough week. (My wife once asked me if I had a rough night at work and I said "yes, but I know that there are those who had it rougher because I was taking care of them"). My friend had taken care of a little girl who was born with grossly underdeveloped lungs and died. There had been no amniotic fluid around the baby from about 18 weeks and the girl's lungs did not develop. My friend told me that she told the family that while their daughter was here only a brief time her life was still significant.
I have told families something similar in the past. I like to think that regardless of the length of a life, 1 minute vs 100 years, its importance can be the same. That a baby who dies shortly after birth can still be a significant and positive member of that family.
Later in the week, I was called to the delivery of a baby being born 3 months early. Mom had presented in premature, active labor that morning after an uncomplicated pregnancy. The Obstetrician tried to hold off the delivery but the mother progressed and as the baby was breech a c-section was performed. In a normal vaginal delivery the head comes out and then as the body is thinner the rest of the baby practically shoots out. When the baby is breech it is possible to deliver the body and then the cervix clamp down around the neck and the baby become stuck and suffocate, hence the reason for a c-section. But this can happen in the c-section also, not that the cervix clamps down, but that the body comes out of the incision site and the head is stuck. And that is what happened.
The baby was stuck, body out and head inside...so I had some time to think.
I had my intubation tube, laryngascope, oxygen mask and equipment all checked. The warmer was on, we had sterile towels, a bulb suction, two nurses and a respiratory therapist. We were ready for the baby, the baby still wasn't coming. I thought "What would those OB doctors do if I jumped in there and pulled the baby out myself. I decided to concentrate on my breathing. Breathing in I am refreshed. Breathing out I smile. Then I thought "What would a Zen master do in the delivery room?" The Zen master has no training in Neonatal Resuscitation. He may see life and death as two sides of one coin. Really no different except for our earthly perspective.
So back to the question "What would the Zen Master do?"
Well I thought a Zen Master might welcome the baby into the world, concentrate on their own breathing and help transition the newborn into the next phase of her life, the afterlife. And that might not be so bad if everyone else held the same beliefs. The mother and father were happy to have a minute of life on this side of the coin.
I thought of my kids. Could I accept that? I know that I would try to accept it, but the truth is I want to see them play with blocks, smile when given a Popsicle, shoot a basket and write a report on Troy. I want to experience the whole side of this coin before turning it over.
So the OB finally pulled the baby out and placed her in front of me on the warm bed. She was small, thin, purple and not moving. No breathing. No gasp. No movement at all.
I was calm. I know what to do...its almost automatic. I suction her nose, mouth and then we put the mask to the baby's face and started giving her breaths of oxygen. I wait about 20 seconds and the infant's heart rate is still less than 80 so I look into her mouth and place a thin plastic tube into the upper part of her airway and we start giving breaths through the tube. Once intubated, the heart rate rises to 150. The baby starts to move and so do we. "Let's tape the tube and go" I say. We tape the tube to the baby's upper lip, but it is a little loose as the infant is still wet. I walk backwards as we push the baby through the hallway to the intensive care unit. The baby is on a tall table that has wheels. I am near the baby's head and I have my index finger in the baby's mouth holding the tube in place as we move. As we round the last corner to the unit I can feel the baby start to suck on my finger, it makes me feel good and I get the feeling that she will be okay. She'll have a little more time on this side of the coin. I only hope that later, she will think I did the right thing. That she will know that I did it for her and not for me.